Funny Pokemon Jokes
by Terminator K-9
Summary: It's random short funny stories of life of our favorite character, but these short chapters will be random but i assure you the Humor . If somebody got some jokes, message me right away and that will be definitely included in this collection.
1. Chapter 1

My story will be collection of short funny Jokes, maybe not more than 100 words, like and review it. I am new to this and hope to do something different so hope you like it and please review :D

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**What May says...**  
This place is a mess! C'mon!  
You and I need to clean up!  
Your stuff is lying on the floor and  
You'll have no clothes to wear if we  
don't do laundry right now!

**What Ash hears...**

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!  
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!  
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah  
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah  
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!


	2. Love dress!

May gets married with Ash and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" May asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress! Don't you like it?" Uh, yeah it's good sweetie, I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night Caroline decides to try it for herself. When her husband Norman comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"


	3. Chapter 3

Ash and May who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, Ash on the top bunk, May on the lower. In the middle of the night Ash leans over, wakes May and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?" May leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, " I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married!" Ash says happily, "OK!" AWESOME!" Then May says, "GOOD ... Get your own fucking blanket!...


	4. Professor Brock

**This one doesn't contain advanceshipping but still it is very funny :D**

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It was professor Brocks first day at Pokemon medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, Brock rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead.

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye".

The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said: "look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things:  
(1) You lack knowledge  
(2) you have a dirty mind and  
(3) Your Expectations are too high !(10 times... ...huh... ...MY GOD!)


	5. Ash's Driving

As Our hero Ash Ketchum was in hurry but he was pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches Ash's car door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

Thinking that it will consume his time and addition to the fine he will going to pay Ash said, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

Ash responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

Ash says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irritated. "You what!?"

"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The officer looks at Ash and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"

Ash opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

Ash says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

"Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet the lying idiot told you I was speeding, too!"

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**Guys, like and review it, and if you got any awesome jokes and your joke will be in this collection too, just pm me. hope you like all of this. **


	6. Intelligent Max

**Sorry for closing this one, i know nobody cares but i still thought this joke was funny so i made a pokemon version of it. This one is the childhood story of Max. Review and tell me do you think it is funny?**

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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Max, what's your problem?'

Max answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Max to the principal's office.

While Max waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Max was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:  
'Which type is most effective against grass type pokemon?'

Max:  
'Fire types.'

Principal:  
'Hmm, Which move dont affects pokemon who knows the move fly ?'

Max:stated proudly  
'It's earthquake '

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Max can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Max both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a Miltank have four of that I have only two of?'

Max, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Max replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a Arcanine do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Max replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog pokemon does on three legs?'

Max: 'Shake hands .'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Max:  
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the  
teacher, 'Put Max in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.


	7. Ash's new neighbour

Neighbor: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a nice day to be moving"  
Ash: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly"  
Neighbor: "So what is it you do for a living?"  
Ash: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning"  
Neighbor : "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"  
Ash: "Let me give you and example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."  
Neighbor : "That is right"  
Ash: "The fact that you have a dog, Leads me to deduce that you have a family."  
Neighbor: "Right again"  
Ash: "Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife"  
Neighbor: "Correct"  
Ash: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual"  
Neighbor : "Yup"  
Ash: "That is deductive reasoning"  
Neighbor: "Cool"

Later that same day...

Neighbor : "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door"  
Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"  
Neighbor : "Yes, and he has an interesting job"  
Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah what does he do?"  
Neighbor : "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University"  
Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that"  
Neighbor : "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"  
Neighbor 2: "No"  
Neighbor : "Fag."


	8. The Boat

**A/N- Thank you for all guys who read and reviewd specially to Aloasa, Chobosloka and Pokemon guy 84, i hope you guys will like more of this and keep reading! Here's a new one, but i must warn it's pretty much dirty.**

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It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of , Larry and Danny who were freind of our hero Ash ketchum. Larry was married and Danny was single. Danny was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It so happened that Danny's boat sank on the same day that Larry's wife died.

A few days later Ash met Danny on the street, and mistaking him for Larry and said:" I was sorry to hear of your great loss, and you must feel terrible." Danny replied; " Well, I am not a bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, and she smelled of old fish. The first time I got into her she made water faster that anything I ever saw. She had a crack and a pretty big hole in front that kept getting bigger and bigger every time that I used her. It got so I could handle her all right, but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything. This is what finished her off: Four guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time. They asked if I could rent her to them. I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but the crazy fools all tried to get into her at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! " ASH FAINTED.


	9. Professor Brock II

**And here we are again with a new chapter of our own Professor Brock. Hope you guys enjoy it and thanks to everyone who reviewed, Please R&R**

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Professor Brock teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'.

He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth.

His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust.

But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, Brock shook his head and said "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth."


	10. Professor Brock III

**And here i am again with a new part of Professor Brock Jokes, have fun and be sure to review, if you liked it or not.**

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Annoyed by the professor Brock in anatomy class who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

But Brock, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.

Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.

"They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in Kanto region."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said Brock with a broad smile, "the next plane for Kanto doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon.


	11. Intelligent Max II

**It is part 2 for Intelligent Max. Hope you guys like it... R&R**

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7 year Max was in science class. The teacher was conducting an experiment to show the dangers of liquor.

He had one glass of water and one glass of wine.

So the professor starts the experiment and he sticks one worm in the water.. and its floating and looks happy. He sticks the other worm in the wine and it looks like it is struggling to breathe and then it sinks to the bottom and it is dead.

So the professor asks" what was this suppose to teach you children", no one raises their hand to answer but Max raises his hand and says "drink liquor and you wont get worms"


	12. Push

Ash is in bed with his wife May when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says May. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the Ash long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says Ash and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells May what happened and she says, "Ash, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says Ash.

"It doesn't matter," says May. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So Ash gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

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**Please review and tell me if it was funny or not. And i want to ask one more thing, do you guys want me to continue this cuz i think no one cares, please tell me if you do.**


	13. 300

**Wow! It's been a loooong time, but with a new chapter i am here to entertain you guys and hope you like this one cuz reviews always encourage me to keep posting :) Oh and if any of you by any chance don't get this joke, watch the movie named '300'.  
**

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A 21 year old Ash was sitting on the couch petting Pikachu in his home while May was thinking, it was like she was deep in thought.

"Hey May, whatchya thinking?" Ash asked to her girlfriend. But he got no response.

Nevertheless he again tried his luck and asked same question, "Yoohoo May, what's up with you?"

To his relief she finally replied, "Oh i was thinking."

"Well i can clearly see that but mind telling me what are you thinking?" Ash asked in a teasing manner.

"I was thinking that if we plan to have any kid in future what we will name him?" May replied.

"Don't you think that you are planning wayyyy too ahead, but if you put it that way and if we have a boy i will name him Sparta." Ash said mocking May.

"What kind of silly name is that, you can't name a kid referencing a place name" May replied.

"Oh yeah, we will do that, don't you get the point of it. Whenever we will introduce him to our friends we can kick our friends butt and yell at them 'THIS IS SPARTA'. " Ash replied while laughing.


	14. Things you should know about Pokemon

**It's quite funny although we didn't ever gave notice to it while playing pokemon... **

**Okay so here it is- Fun facts of Pokemon**

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1. You can break into some guys house, pee on his kids and molest his wife, but as long as your colourful creatures have defeated his colourful creatures, he can't do a damn thing about it.

2- Pokemon Center Workers are sick-minded people. You go there when your Pokemon is critically injured and EVERY time they say, We Hope To See You Again!

3. A child can almost single handedly wipe out at least one Major Criminal Organization (Team Rocket)

4. The elite four spend the rest of their lives, holed up in little rooms, 24 hours.

5- How can a wailord fit in a gym.

6. Steel is not too dense for flying.

7. In order to get a Professorship, you must be named after a tree. (Professor oak,Professor Birch so forth)

8. Land Creatures can battle creatures in the middle of the Ocean.

9- You get money for beating people's pets.

10- pokemon can use ember under water

11- NO one has to sleep. Ever.

12. Legendary Pokemon Always Run away, but no one knows where too

13- Teaching us to be Mexicans (jumping the Fences)

14- all pokemon hatch from eggs !?

15. A pink Blob can mate with anything

16- Kung-Fu works well against steel

17- May's father never seems to want to go home.

18- Your father left you and your mother so he can work at a gym (pokemon emerlad)

19- Your mom never visits Dad, talks to him on the phone, and rarely even speaks of him. Yet she hasn't divorced him?

20. Pokemon and people can't die, but there are cemetaries

21. When Abra evolve, they develop stainless-steel spoons in the process

22. Towns can be around 200-300 steps away, even when some cities have buildings that far apart.

23- You must travel to an alternate dimension to find someone to trade Pokemon with

24- You can fly to any town u want to on the back of a 100 ft long green snake creature, but u cant manage to climb back over a 1 1/2 ft ledge, thus causing u to have to detour through several towns and tall grass infested with savage creatures...in order to get back to the top of the ledge.

25- Aggron can learn Surf!

26- though Psychics can predict your every move and we can still easily attack them

27. You can walk into your neighbor's house and play their Wii. Free of charge.

28. You can also talk with their mom.

29. A ten year old can legally gamble

30. you can beat the crap out of little children and get paid for beating them.

31. You can Surf the seas on a tiny fish, like Remoraid or a Feebas.

32. Butterflies and Moths can learn Psychic moves to telepathically move objects around (Butterfry and Mothim can learn Psychic)

33. Ghost Pokemon aren't Spirits of other Pokemon, and Ghost Pokemon live Forever.

34. You have a map that Shows your location any where in the region, yet it is called a TOWN Map

35. You have the energy to walk run and bike all day but you can't jump over a 1 and a half foot ledge.

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**Hope you guys like it and please review XD**


	15. Professor Brock 4

**I know it's kinda short and i posted after so long time but i guess it is worth because it's one of your favorite Professor Brock**

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Professor Brock was in library trying to find a seat and fortunately he spotted one.

He asked a girl "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

The girl answered with a loud voice "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!".

All the students in the library started staring at the professor and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to Brock's table and she told him  
"I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

Professor Brock responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and Brock whispered in her ears;  
"I study Law in my free time so I know how to make someone feel guilty"

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**Hope you guys like it and be sure to review because without reviews i felt like doing things that no one cares about but i want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter or on any previous chapters. That's it for now XD  
**


	16. Two in One Jokes!

**I just felt like sharing some funny jokes, btw they have nothing to do with pokemon, i am just doing it for fun. Be sure to Review cuz last one was really a breakthrough, seriously just 2 reviews! I just want to thanks **_**Infernapeblaze**_**and** **_Champbybirth_**

**for their reviews and suggestion, i really appreciate it. Nevertheless here is a two in one, Read and Review!**

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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

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**THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING A SURGERY !**

"Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

"Someone call the janitor and tell him to bring a mop."

"Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, what's that?"

"Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie."

"Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

"Aww SHIT!, there go the lights again..."

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em."

"Stand back! I lost a contact."

"Could you stop that thing from beeping? It's throwing off my concentration!"

"What's this doing here?"

"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!"

"I should have brought my glasses."

"Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."

"Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's pretty clean, right?"

"Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"

"Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature."

"Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"

"Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough."

"She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!"

"Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"

"FIRE! FIRE! Everybody out!"

"Max! MAX! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

"Oh, no! Anybody seen my Rolex?"

"I hate it when there's stuff missing."

"What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?!"

"And now, I'll remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape."

"This patient has already had kids, right?"

"What do you mean you want a divorce?!"

""Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!""

"Oops."

"Let me ask your opinion, nurse..."

"I thought we started with _four _clamps?"

"Has anyone ever seen one of these?"

"What do you mean, it's upside down?"

"Oh, man! I think I'm gonna be sick."

"This is what happens when cousins marry."

"You think we can sew it back on?"

"Put on Dr. Kevorkian's new CD."

"Is that supposed to be yellow?"

"I learned that when I studied to be a vet."

"Not bad for someone who failed med school."

"What does the AMA know? I still think I can do it."

"Whoa. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night."

"Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?"

"They never let us practice on real people in med school."

"That proves aliens have taken over our bodies."

"He looks like my ex-wife's attorney. The one who got her the house, the car, the money... he even got her!"

"Don't worry, he'll never know. He's out!"

"Okay, make a wish and pull."

"So that's what a girl looks like!"

"Back in a minute. Gotta put more money in the meter."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt us."

"Uh, ya want fries with that?"

"Who ordered the pepperoni?"

"Tilt that TV this way. I can't see the game."

"Poor guy. Maybe we should give him a sex change."

"The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this."

"I think my Alzheimers is getting... uh..."

"Oh, yeah? If you think you're so good, you do it!"

"How come this patient has both sex organs?"

"CLEAR!"


End file.
